Rain or shine

My week can easily be described as one of rain and shine, regardless of the weather. The sunny up-side is I do have such lovely friends – ‘I’ took me out for a coffee and cake on Thursday, ‘R’ bought me a top yesterday, and ‘J’ is coming to pick me up today and we are going to spend time poking around a Cold War Bunker (perfect for a sunny day!). They are all so sweet to me, especially as I am going through the ‘rain’ type crisis of no money whatsoever.

It’s all getting a bit… close.  I have to finish the editing, at least of those first 3 chapters, as otherwise this whole venture will have been for nothing – and it has always felt right that I do that, finish it, and then get a full-time job, as opposed to the odd bits I do here and there. That is like the natural order of things, and if I don’t do it that way I shall jinx myself. I know that is rubbish, but it’s become a sort of mantra in my head.

I am hopeful of getting the editing done by Wednesday, and then can go into every agency under the sun – but even then… I’m not sure we’ll be able to keep our flat. And selling stuff off on eBay? I was semi-joking about that before, but now I really do think a car-boot may be in order – not sure I can afford the packing / postage for eBay – that is how serious things have got. This wouldn’t have necessarily happened – as it was I did have money saved for a rainy day, but there have been so many unexpected costs over the last two months that I should have saved for a torrential downpour the likes of which were last seen when Noah went for a sailing trip.

I am still bizarrely optimistic, I have no idea why – not quite sure what I expect is around the corner, so far it has been more rain. The flat is nice, but the flat is cold – perhaps a smaller place would be better. My lovely books are fantastic, but they are bloody heavy to move about – perhaps if I sold off some of them I wouldn’t have to carry them. It’s a strange ‘glass half full’ life at the moment – which is remarkably unlike me, but I am welcoming it. Wish I could keep this optimism going - as soon as the sun goes down it is a different story - worries come back at full force to circle around in the darkness, and my little beacon fire flickers and fails every time.

But today? The sun is shining, and I am going to forget about it for a while. Must finish editing! Must send it away! That is my mission between now and Wednesday.